I shouldn't have expected much, considering what an awful news site Japan Today is, but I was amazed at how bad an article called "How foreigners’ daily lives change when they live in Japan" was (yes, that's actually the title). Perhaps not totally Japan Today's fault (well, except for that title), as it's a translation of a Japanese article which is itself just a bunch of translated posts from an English-language Japan Reference thread (phew!). They seem to have gone to some trouble to find the least interesting posts and strip them of any humour or insight, and the result is surprisingly boring.
It made me think about how my life has changed, and at first I couldn't think of any ways that weren't age or marriage related (I've done a lot of growing up since I coming to Japan at the tender age of 22 and getting married at 25, naturally). I learned to love olives a few years back, for example, which probably would have happened had I remained in Canada (and might have happened much earlier had I chosen to make my home in, say, Spain). I've also learned how to actually dress for the cold, which definitely wasn't influenced by my adopted home, as Japanese women wait for winter to wear their mini skirts and short-shorts. It's very odd, jeans and long skirts are saved for the sweltering summer months.
But I digress. I finally was able to think of some ways in which my life has changed since coming to Japan, and here are a few of them:
- I've become much shyer. I've always been shy but was starting to come out of my shell when I first got here, and my imaginary alter ego that never left Canada is a wildly extroverted socialite by now. But the real me, after years of living in a country where I am always the bumbling foreigner, has retreated so far into my shell that I'm stuck. It's partly laziness, because in Japan shyness is actually a virtue for women so there is little motivation to change, and it certainly wasn't helped when I lost the hearing in my left ear (try making new friends at a party when you can't hear what anyone is saying). But mostly I'm blaming this on Japan.
- I've learned to sleep in public. Like at the park, in the "rest rooms" (which really are for resting) at hot springs and bath houses, and on public transportation. It's often hard for me to stay awake during a long train ride, and I've been known to nod off while standing during rush hour.
- My manners are atrocious. I sniffle instead of blowing my nose, shuffle my sandles and slippers instead of picking up my feet properly when I walk, and I apply Japanese table manners to non-Japanese meals (like slurping noodles, drinking soup right from the bowl, and spearing large chunks of food on my fork and then returning them to the plate). I know that my glass is supposed to go at the top right side of my place setting, but in practice it goes where ever it fits. My chair stays pushed out far from the table and I hunch over my food to eat it. I have no use for paper napkins (let alone cloth)- why bother when there is a box of tissues on every surface of the house, including the kitchen table?
- I'm missing out on a lot of culture. I used to go to the movies weekly, more when I could afford it. I'd see Hollywood movies, documentaries, foreign films, anything. Here in Japan, movies cost a fortune to see at the theatre, and rental shops usually ignore non-blockbuster type films. Not to mention the long delay- movies are released months later in Japan, and then by the time a movie is available on DVD more than a year may have passed since I first heard of it, and I've already forgotten about it. Plus there's the subtitle problem- Japanese subtitles for a French film don't help me mutch. So I miss out on a lot of movies. And at my age I wouldnt expect to still be going to concerts and clubs like I used to, but I always assumed I'd just trade those for the symphony and the theatre and other grown-up stuff. Well, I've only checked out symphony prices here once and I don't remember the specifics, only that I concluded that live classical wasn't about to be come my new pastime. Then there's the library- I used to practically live there, but even if I were to find one with a decent English book selection it wouldn't be a place to relax and spend time at. Libraries here are the domain of old men, and they occupy every seat all day long leaving nowhere for a youngish book-loving lady to browse. I also once frequented museums and art galleries, taking advantage of discounted days or free nights. In Japan the major museums are pricey and never, ever offer discounts, and popular exhibits are horribly crowded. True, there are plenty of smaller galleries and museums here that are free or affordable, but they are often so small and/or specialized that they aren't worth going out of my way for. Or maybe that's just my lack of culture showing. Damn you, Japan!
- On the other hand, I watch less TV than I did when I lived in Canada, and that probably goes far to balance my lack of culture.
- My posture is the pits. I used to have excellent posture, and was complimented on it frequently. But in my sixteen years in Japan I think I've had a grand total of one person mention it. It's not because people don't dole out compliments here, because they do- but it tends to be about different things. Like my height, my "tall" nose, or my "small" face. (Come to think of it I rarely hear the latter anymore. I guess second chins cancel out small faces.) Or really dumb stuff like my chopstick skills or my Japanese ability (most often after saying a single word like "konnichiwa"). But my (formerly) straight back and strong, graceful walk? Not noticed or appreciated. In Japan, a beautiful lady can slump her shoulders, lower her head and clomp around in her high heels and still be considered a beautiful lady. Not that I need compliments to maintain good habits, but it's hard to stay motivated to keep up something that isn't valued. And in the meantime, after years of dealing with miniature-sized furniture, low countertops and forehead-level door frames here, I'm starting to blend right in. (Well, minus the high heels and the "beautiful lady" part. At least I still have a tall nose.)
- I no longer need to drink sweet drinks all the time. Pop is for special occasions (OK, weekends). Juice is a treat too and no longer comes in a bucket-sized glass. Coffee may be sweet but it's for waking up or to go with dessert. If I'm thirsty I drink water, or hot green tea, or cold barley tea, or something else that doesn't need sugar.
- I've become more of a meat eater. This may be a surprise, since the Japanese are supposed to live on fish and vegetables, but as any vegetarian here will tell you: meat is everywhere. I ate very little meat before I came to Japan, especially red meat. I didn't even like pork. I got most of my protein from tofu and beans, and animal protein was usually chicken and shrimp. Maybe some lean ground beef once in a while, but that's about it. And then I came to Japan, where meat was in everything, and it was delicious. Even pork- especially pork. It's not like the average person here eats tonnes of meat or anything, but but most meals will have a small amount of animal flesh, and that's a very sensible approach.
- I've learned to appreciate fat. This is also a bit counter-intuitive, since Japanese cuisine is thought to be so light and healthy. It can be, but the Japanese also give fat its due, acknowledging that moderate amounts of it can be a good thing. This was hard to accept at first. I was used to lean meats, skim milk and low-fat everything. When I first came to Japan, low-fat milk was impossible to find and I couldn't stomach to 4% fat milk that was the norm. Low-fat cheese or ice cream or muffins didn't exist. The heavy marbling of wagyu (Kobe-style Japanese beef) and the gelatinous fat of braised pork belly horrified me. But somewhere along the line I gave fat a chance and realized something: it sure is tasty! Now I know that there is nothing more delicious than an ice-cold glass of full fat milk, low-fat products are usually not worth eating, and fatty meat is heavenly. Actually, I think a lot of North Americans have also been enlighted in this way, thanks to the foodie movement (sorry, I hate the word "foodie" but how else can I put it?). Maybe I would have learned to love fat if I'd stayed in Canada, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been a wagyu steak that changed my mind.
- I've learned the importance of "ki wo tsukau" (to be considerate; to pay heed to another's needs). I've actually always been the type of person to make offers twice ("Hey, you want something to drink?" "No, thanks" "Are you sure?) or three times ("Are you sure you're sure?"). So in a superficial way I already got the concept, but it took a few years of living here for the true meaning of "ki wo tsukau" to sink in. It could be as simple as not hogging all the cookies on a shared platter, even though you're really hungry and they're your favourite kind. Or making sure that the person next to you can reach the soy sauce bottle, or doesn't have a bunch of empty dishes in her way. It sometimes shows up in weird ways, like a friend (or a few times, a stranger) entering the ladies room ahead of me and taking the washiki (Japanese-style squat toilet) stall and leaving the prized yoshiki (western style toilet) stall for me. An early lesson was learning to wake up my husband with a gentle kiss rather than a shove and "Hey, get up". The latter is actually easier, faster, and more immediately effective, but who wants to be woken up that way? I'm not all that good at it yet, and some people take it too far (it can easily turn into fussing, or be based on false assumptions, or cause excess inhibition), but when done well consideration is a very good skill for a human being to have.
There are many, many more, but it's past 10:00 and I need to get to bed. Can I blame that on Japan? Sure beats admitting I'm an lame old mom. For those of you living in Japan or otherwise abroad, how has your life changed?
Recent Comments